I need you to please read these words carefully and consider what I am saying.
I want to have you in my life but I have boundaries regarding people who make oppressive statements.
Ignorance is not a weakness but an opportunity to learn; please take this opportunity.
If you are willing to educate yourself, be open to effective communication and work to respect me then I would love to have you in my life. Otherwise, I am not willing to have a relationship.
In order for me to feel that you are respecting me I need for you to respect my chosen name and pronouns. My name is Amber, I am a woman, and I use feminine or non-objectifying neutral pronouns (she/her, sie/hir, ze/zir, they/them BUT NOT “IT!”). I need you to respect this or I cannot have you in my life.
Please read through the following information and try to process it before you respond. I have put them in an rough order that I think would be beneficial. I understand that some of these pieces can be snarky or confrontational but I need you to get past that and read.
I am doing this because I want you in my life. If I did not care about you I would just tell you to fuck off and skip this whole bit; being called out means I respect you enough to not just tell you you’re a fucking asshole and never speak to you again. Please work to educate yourself beyond the reading that I provide. Remember, it is not the job of an oppressed individual to educate you; you are responsible for your own education. If you cannot work to respect me and not be oppressive then I will tell you to fuck off and you will have no right to be surprised or offended; no fucks given.
“The act of supporting someone means more than tolerating their presence and cherishing some vague idea that they probably don’t deserve to be murdered. Supporting a marginalized person means listening them when they say they need something, and taking their demands seriously.”
“Trans people have often been described as those whose physical sex does not match the gender of their mind or soul. This explanation might make sense intuitively, but it is nonetheless problematic for transfeminism. To say that one has a female mind or soul would mean there are male and female minds that are different from each other in some identifiable way, which in turn may be used to justify discrimination against women. Claiming an essential gender identity can be just as dangerous as resorting to biological essentialism.
Transfeminism believes that we construct our own gender identities based on what feels genuine, comfortable, and sincere to us as we live and relate to others within given social and cultural constraints. This holds true for those whose gender identity is in congruence with their birth sex, as well as for trans people. Our demand for recognition and respect shall in no way be weakened by this acknowledgment. Instead of justifying our existence through reverse essentialism, transfeminism dismantles the assumption that sex and gender ‘naturally’ cohere”
-Emi Koyama, “The Transfeminist Manifesto”
“I sit on a man’s back, choking him, and making him carry me, and yet assure myself and others that I am very sorry for him and wish to ease his lot by any means possible, except getting off his back.”
❝ MASCULINITY AND FEMININITY, WHEN TAKEN AS MENTAL PROPERTIES RATHER THAN PHYSICAL CONDITIONS MUST BE DUMPED BY ANYONE WHO CARES ABOUT PEOPLE. ‘FEMININITY,’ HAS BEEN USED TOO, TOO LONG TO RIP OFF WOMEN AND SENSITIVE MEN, AND ‘MASCULINITY,’ HAS BEEN MISUSED TO THE EXTENT OF RIPPING OFF THE WHOLE WORLD (MEN BEING THE CORPORATION HEADS AND WAR-MAKERS AND WOMEN—MINORITY ECOLOGY OPPRESSORS). I’M NOT TALKING ABOUT INDIVIDUALS SO MUCH AS CONCEPTS. IF ‘FEMININITY,’ AS A CONCEPT IS OPPRESSIVE TO WOMEN, IT IS, BY ITS VERY NATURE, OPPRESSIVE FOR MEN. IF ‘MASCULINITY,’ AS A CONCEPT (FEAR OF SHOWING EMOTIONS, SOCIAL IRRESPONSIBILITY, HYPER-COMPETETIVENESS) IS DAMAGING TO MEN, IT WILL DAMAGE WOMEN AS WELL. THESE TWO ARE SOCIALLY SET TRAPS. ❞
“Wilhelm Reich put forth an interesting theory in his lectures to young
Communists in Germany in 1936, during the rise of Hitler. Reich
theorized that without the suppression of sexuality and the imposition
of anti-sexual morality, you could not have an authoritarian
government, because people would be free from shame, and would trust
their own sense of right and wrong. Such people are unlikely to march
to war against their wishes, and we would like to think they would be
unlikely to agree to operate the death camps too. It is interesting to
think that if we were raised without shame and guilt about our desires,
we might be freer people in many ways.”
-The Ethical Slut
“What’s feminist about excluding an extremely vulnerable class of women who disproportionately suffer from violence, rape, body shaming, unemployment, homelessness, and poverty, who are routinely abused and manipulated by the medical establishment, and who are disproportionately involved in sex work and pornography?
That’s what I’d like to know about Raymond-esque ‘feminists’ who see no place in the movement for trans women.”
❝ A GAY ELITE HAS HIJACKED QUEER STRUGGLE, AND POSITIONED THEIR DESIRES AS EVERYONE’S NEEDS — THE DOMINANT SIGNS OF STRAIGHT CONFORMITY HAVE BECOME THE ULTIMATE SIGNS OF GAY SUCCESS. SURE, FOR WHITE GAYS WITH BEACH CONDOS, COUNTRY CLUB MEMBERSHIPS, AND NICE STOCK PORTFOLIOS WITH A COUPLE HEDGE FUNDS THAT NEED TRIMMING EVERY NOW AND THEN (THINK OF ROSIE O’DONNELL OR DAVID GEFFEN), MARRIAGE MIGHT JUST BE THE LAST THING STANDING IN THE WAY OF FULL CITIZENSHIP, BUT WHAT ABOUT FOR EVERYONE ELSE? ❞
-Mattilda Bernstein Sycamore
“Let yourself be angry. Let yourself be angry that the price for visibility is the constant threat of violence, anti-queer violence to which practically every segment of this society contributes. Let yourself feel angry that there is no place in this country where we are safe, no place where we are not targeted for hatred and attack, the self-hatred, the suicide - of the closet. ”
Reblogging this because, frankly, this is an INCREDIBLE fucking resource post that Amber has put together.