i can’t believe it’s 2014 and there’s still no gay romantic comedy about vin diesel and dwayne johnson falling in love
They raise a gaggle of kids undercover working for a gov’t agency together
i would pay multiple dollars to see vin diesel and dwayne johnson portray a cute affectionate couple
also they meet because vin diesel is a volunteer at the local animal shelter and dwayne johnson is thinking of adopting a kitten BUT THEN ends up with a grumpy, old, one-eyed cat named frackles because vin diesel was like “old cats get no love it’s all kitten this, kitten that, meanwhile old frackles has been here for three years” and dwayne johnson hurriedly over-agrees because omg what a cute guy omg. and then frackles turns out to be this wackadoodle, hard-drinking, peeing-everywhere, womanizing, troublemaker cat who turns dwayne johnson’s life upside-down. vin diesel and dwayne johnson have adventures like bailing frackles out of the drunk tank and trying out every possible brand of kitty litter to see if frackles likes any of them. vin diesel knits custom cat toys for frackles and leaves then on dwayne johnson’s doorstep. the end-of-second-act crisis is dwayne johnson thinking he can’t handle it and trying to surrender frackles to the shelter when he thinks vin diesel isn’t on shift buT THEN vin diesel was covering a shift for a friend who’s auditioning for a role in a local musical production and he’s like YOU’RE GIVING UP ON FRACKLES SO I’M GIVING UP ON YOU and won’t hear any of dwayne johnson’s protestations and takes frackles home himself and they get drunk and talk shit about dwayne johnson until they come back around to how much they like him even though he’s a no-fun grump. when they wake up hungover the next morning, dwayne johnson is at the door with the b-plot lady cat who frackles has been so messed up over. he’s adopted her to make frackles happy and signed up for 3 classes at the shelter for new pet parents and spent all night in his garage hand-crafting cat furniture. cut to: vin diesel and dwayne johnson getting married as frackles and booboo (the b-plot ladycat) cuddle in the front row.